Extinct Eastern Male Book Summary By Dr. Mohamed Taha

    In the introduction to Extinct Eastern Male, Dr. Mohamed Taha attempts to explain the difference between being male and being a man. He writes that maleness is a biological category, while manhood is a mindset, maleness is sex, while manhood is behavior, maleness is biology, while manhood is one's stance in life. He then begins by inviting readers to accept this extinct Eastern male, emphasizing that acceptance is a thing, while approval is another one, and stressing that acceptance is the first step on the journey toward change.

    The book begins by discussing the first meeting between a man and a woman when he proposes for engagement or marriage. Dr. Mohamed Taha asked women on his Facebook page about the questions they had been asked by prospective husbands during that first meeting. Among the responses were: "Would you mind if I stayed alone in my room for three days while you leave my food at the door?" "Why aren't your eyes colored like your mother's?" "Convince me why I should marry you." "Do you have an ICDL certificate?" By presenting these examples, Extinct Eastern Male attempts to diagnose the illness. This male is controlling, suspicious, sometimes eccentric, and convinced that he is a rare catch. According to the book, we are facing chronic paranoia, advanced malignant narcissism, and a strong predisposition toward severe sadistic and psychopathic traits. The book names this condition Eastern Male Syndrome.

    The book then begins analyzing the personality of this extinct Eastern male. It first discusses the Oedipus complex, discovered by Sigmund Freud, but Extinct Eastern Male approaches it not for sons, but for mother's! The book explains that between the ages of three and five, a child becomes especially attached to his mother. When he encounters a male who is older and stronger than himself—the father—who has authority over the mother and can take her away from him at any moment, the son sees him as a rival. Unable to defeat him, the child identifies with him instead, convincing himself that there is no difference between them. However, in the chauvinistic Eastern society, the opposite often happens: it is the mother who becomes excessively attached to her son. When the father is absent, whether emotionally or physically, the mother directs all her emotional energy toward the son, who is expected to become her psychological substitute husband. Naturally, when a rival appears—a girlfriend, fiancée, or wife—the mother often becomes irrationally jealous of her. This, according to the book, explains why mothers-in-law in Eastern society frequently become bitter enemies of their daughters-in-law.

    The book cites examples of mothers in chauvinistic Eastern society, including one who forced her son to reserve a hotel room for her in the same hotel where he was staying with his wife, and another who slept between her son and his wife in their bed. The discussion concludes by referring to an advertisement by an Egyptian telecom company that featured a mother was speaking to her son abroad over a video call. During the conversation, she let her hair down in a way that, according to the author, would normally only occur between two people in love. Even more striking were the comments, with one commenter describing the relationship between a mother and her son as "the best love story in the world!"

    Dr. Mohamed Taha then cites several popular proverbs that reflect the culture and beliefs of this chauvinistic Eastern society, such as: "Marry the one who loves you, not the one you love," implying that a woman has no right to live with the person she loves and that her true role is simply to make happy the man who was kind enough to love her. Other examples include: "Break a girl's rib and twenty-four more will grow," and "If you make your wife comfortable, she'll wear you out." Additional sayings include: "When the men are away, the women go astray," "A woman's advice only leads backward," "Consult women, then do the opposite," "Be the earth beneath his feet and he will be the sky above your head," You are a ground beneath his feet, and he is a sky above your head! "Better that he stays home causing trouble than not be home at all," and "The only flaw a man can have is an empty pocket," meaning that nothing matters except his ability to provide financially, regardless of any other faults he may possess. After presenting these examples, Extinct Eastern Male book calls on us to stop repeating and living by such sayings. It calls on us to reject at least some of the beliefs we inherited from our ancestors.

    The book then discusses another type of Eastern male: the man who is psychologically swallowed by his mother. The author refers to Aziz, a character from the Egyptian television series Layaly Eugenie, who, upon finding his mother dead, simply says, "What am I supposed to do?" The book explains that there is a stage of psychological development known as the Oral Stage, which lasts from birth until around the age of two. During this period, the child experiences and expresses everything through his mouth, making it naturally the stage of breastfeeding. The psychological message a mother is supposed to communicate during this stage is: "Whenever you need me, you'll find me." However, some mothers become excessively involved, taking charge of every aspect of their son's life and preventing him from growing independently. As a result, this Eastern male becomes psychologically frozen in the oral stage, remaining a small child trapped inside the body of an adult man. The book notes that after Aziz's mother dies, he is shown drinking alcohol, despite already being an overweight man—both of which, according to the author, symbolize his psychological fixation at the oral stage. In one scene, Aziz says, "Now I'm a free man, but I don't know what to do with this freedom."

    Extinct Eastern Male does not stop at discussing the son. It also turns its attention to the mother, pointing out that beneath this devouring mother lies an overwhelming amount of fear, loneliness, and insecurity. The book also argues that the father is a partner in this crime through his withdrawal and emotional absence. The chapter concludes by urging every mother to stop psychologically (breastfeeding) her son after the age of two, every father to stop withdrawing from his family, and every son to grow up without asking anyone's permission.

    Extinct Eastern Male then discusses another dimension of the Oedipus complex—this time for the sons. When a son becomes excessively attached to his mother, she comes to exist in two versions in his mind: the mother herself and the psychological wife. When he becomes psychologically frozen at this stage because of the excessive attention by the mother which we discussed earlier, he grows up expecting his wife to be his mother during the day and his wife at night. The book presents several examples taken from responses sent to the author by male followers. One example describes a husband who expects his wife to treat him exactly as his mother does. One of the most striking examples was: "My mother debones the fish and mixes it with rice for me... Can you do this for me?" Based on this, Extinct Eastern Male book describes our society as one suffering from chronic identity fragmentation: at one moment a child, at another merely a male, but never truly a man. It is as though the men of this society have undergone psychological castration, leaving only maleness while true manhood has disappeared.

    The book then moves on to a chapter titled The Testosterone Kingdom. In this chapter, Dr. Mohamed Taha presents a social media post written by a woman describing what she believed an ideal wife should do. In short, she advised women to wake up half an hour before their husbands—never even at the same time—brush their hair so their husbands would not see her looking like a frightening old woman, and play Qur'an in the background, naturally giving the advice a religious tone. The author points out that this represents one form of the religious manipulation practiced by chauvinistic Eastern society through reducing and misusing religious texts. The post continued by saying that a husband should never leave home on an empty stomach—"Fear God!"—and then added, "There's nothing wrong with putting his socks on for him." Demonstrating his awareness of every aspect of the issue, Dr. Mohamed Taha notes here that some men respond by saying, "We can help our wives and do these things for them too." The author then asks: "Are you willing to do that every single day? And if your wife works just as you do, are you prepared to consider those tasks part of your daily responsibilities?" The answer, he suggests, is obvious. Extinct Eastern Male describes this form of servitude as the most deceptive kind, in which the master shows kindness and compassion toward the servant in order to convince both the servant and himself that no injustice is taking place.

    The book continues quoting the post written by what it describes as this Extinct Eastern Woman. It advises wives to prepare breakfast while their husbands are praying. Dr. Mohamed Taha points out that the woman is essentially asking wives to avoid doing any visible work in front of their husbands, so that their husbands are never disturbed by witnessing their exhaustion. The post goes on to advise that after the husband returns home, no matter what problems the wife may have, she should not mention them until he has had time to relax. If he yells at her, she should remain silent and count from one to hundred to herself. And if he apologizes, she should tell him not to do!

    The book identifies another aspect of Eastern Male Syndrome: husbands frequently exercise paternal authority over their wives, "raising" them, as people commonly say in our chauvinistic society. Ironically, the post discussed in the chapter was written by a woman. Even more striking were the responses to the author's questions about husbands playing the role of a father toward their wives—many women welcomed the idea and expressed approval. Finally, Extinct Eastern Male argues that this confusion and distortion in the relationship between men and women creates a hundred Pharaohs. According to the author, such a wife helps create a human monster who will go on to spread destruction throughout the lives of his own wife and the other women around him. Dr. Mohamed Taha concludes this discussion with a quote from the Palestinian poet Mourid Albarghouti: "The enemy of a free woman is not only the arrogant male; her enemy is also the woman who accepts slavery."

    Despite all this, Extinct Eastern Male points out that one characteristic of the Eastern male is his tenderness toward his daughters. The author says that he has never witnessed grief more intense than a daughter's grief over her father's death. Despite all his flaws, the Eastern male deeply loves his family. The purpose of all this analysis, the author emphasizes, is to solve the problem—not to become angry at or simply blame this male.

   In the following chapter, Extinct Eastern Male discusses the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as observed in the cases the author encounters and hears about in his work as a psychiatrist. One of the defining characteristics of this personality is that the case does whatever he wants regardless of the circumstances, feelings, or needs of those around him. The book also discusses the theory of the German psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut regarding narcissistic personality and its origins. According to the theory, one of the main causes is that this person receives psychological messages throughout life tell him that he is not worthy, leading him to conclude that no one worthy in the world but him. However, the author argues that chauvinistic Eastern society produces a different form of narcissism. Just as it surprised psychologists in its expression of the Oedipus complex, it also surprises them with a new variety of narcissistic personality. Men in this society are taught that they deserve far more than everyone else—that they are practically demi-gods. As a result, even the slightest rejection may provoke an extremely violent reaction, sometimes escalating to murder. Such a person possesses an enormously inflated ego and feels that unless he constantly defends it, his existence will collapse.

    The book repeatedly argues that women are the primary source through which Eastern Male Syndrome is reproduced. It illustrates this by quoting statements made by mothers of prospective grooms. Some mothers said, "My son is a gift that should never be rejected." Another said, "I cut apples into little pieces and feed it to him myself in his mouth." A third even remarked, "If it weren't forbidden, I would have married him to one of his own sisters." The book also cites another example from Egyptian drama—a scene from the Egyptian film Welad Rizk 2, in which the protagonist slaps and humiliates both his wife and her mother simply because she tells him she wants a divorce. What is no longer surprising, but rather expected, is that many female viewers responded by admiring the hero's handsomeness and masculinity. Through this example, Extinct Eastern Male once again argues that any genuine change must begin with women. The book then reviews responses people gave to the question: "If a husband beats his wife, what legal action should she take?" Many answered that the wife should simply pray for God to guide him! or that she should be the one to reconcile with him. Here, Extinct Eastern Male introduces what is known as Stockholm Syndrome, first identified after the famous bank hostage incident in Stockholm, Sweden, where several hostages sympathized with the criminals and even defended them against the authorities. According to the author, this is precisely what happens to women in chauvinistic Eastern society. The woman identifies with the abuser and sometimes becomes even harsher than he is—toward herself and toward other women. This is the mother who crushes her daughter, the wife who destroys herself, and the woman who hates other women like her. Extinct Eastern Male once again turns to drama, this time discussing a scene from the Egyptian television series Like the Sun (Zay El Shams). In the scene, a girl apologizes to her fiancé and asks for his forgiveness because she believes she must have done something wrong, and that it was because of her mistake that he cheated on her with her own sister—who is now pregnant with his child! Here, the author introduces a category of people he calls Empaths. These are ones who possess the ability to put themselves in another person's place, to genuinely feel their emotions and understand their needs. This is a beautiful quality and, as the author describes it, a great divine gift. The problem, however, is that some empaths become emotionally trapped in the other person's experience. They end up feeling the other person's emotions more intensely than the other person himself does, and suffering for their pain even more than they themselves suffer. Such empathetic individuals, the book argues, become the ideal victims for narcissists. After the narcissist possesses and emotionally drains them, he abandons them and searches for another victim to exploit. Even more painful is that, in many cases, the victim eventually transforms into a copy of the abuser, and after this relationship, begins seeking out another empath to exploit in exactly the same way they themselves were once exploited. It is, as the author suggests, a deeply tragic cycle.

    The book then shifts to the chauvinistic Eastern society's concept of the Ideal Mother. Based on his observations and analysis, the author argues that this society believes the ideal mother is the woman who cancels her own psychological and human needs in order to live entirely for someone else—particularly her husband and children. The ideal mother is portrayed as a candle that burns itself away for others. She is taught that thinking about herself is selfish. No one, the author points out, ever says that the ideal mother is the woman who loves herself or fulfills her own potential. At the end of the chapter, the author urges women not to deprive themselves of their own needs, because doing so is ultimately what benefits their children, teaching them to love themselves in a healthy way rather than the opposite.

    The book then moves on to discuss what it calls the Masculine version of religion. The chapter opens with the story of one of the author's patients, who began her therapy session by saying that she was an atheist because she could not understand why, if God truly exists, He would create women only to allow them to be treated this way. Yet despite declaring herself an atheist, she ended the session by saying, "I want to tell God that I'm angry with Him." The author then discusses the Qur'anic verse addressing what a husband may do in dealing with a persistently rebellious wife, where the final measure is the phrase, "and strike them." He cites the interpretation of one Islamic preacher who argued that the Arabic word translated as "strike" carries fourteen different meanings in the Qur'an, including distancing oneself and separation. Naturally, the preacher faced severe criticism from both men and women. Extinct Eastern Male points out that many people overlook a well-known Prophetic hadith stating: "No one honors women except a noble man, and no one humiliates them except a vile one." The author then argues that anyone who insists on interpreting the Qur'anic verse exclusively as physical violence is choosing to build his relationship with his life partner upon fear and intimidation. Such an approach, he argues, is fundamentally incomprehensible, because one's wife is a human being just like oneself, one's equal—not someone inferior. She is a partner in life, and no relationship can ever be healthy if it is built on the premise that one partner has the right to physically assault the other while the other has no right to refuse.

    The book then turns to the behavior of the Eastern male within his household. The author asked people on his Facebook page about their experiences, and among the responses were descriptions of the Eastern male's endless demands, his constant criticism and reprimanding of his wife and children over the smallest matters, his belief that women do nothing worthwhile in the house, his dislike of seeing a woman sitting without working, And his immersion in his phone or television, and his complete silence and refusal to communicate, especially when he is upset. Here, Extinct Eastern Male discusses a pattern of human behavior known as the Fight-or-Flight response. According to the author, this is exactly how the Eastern male behaves at home. Yet people generally resort to this response only when they are afraid or under stress. The obvious question, then, is: "What is the Eastern male so afraid of inside his own home?" The book then reviews some of the psychological—and sometimes explicit verbal—messages that Eastern males receive since childhood, messages that encourage them to sexualize everything around them, even interactions with other men, often under the guise of joking. The author also explains how Eastern society leads women to view themselves primarily as sexual objects, to the extent that some communities remove part of a girl's body through what is known as female genital mutilation (FGM), in order to prevent her from experiencing or enjoying sex as a man supposedly does. She is treated as a sexual object rather than a sexual partner. Ironically, despite the Eastern male's overwhelming obsession with sex, he often becomes emotionally and sexually distant from his own wife. According to the book, this may be one reason why he resorts to the fight-or-flight response: either he remains present in the home while creating an atmosphere of tension and anxiety, or he withdraws emotionally, leaving behind a different kind of tension. In either case, the behavior stems from deep inner weakness and anxiety.

    The book then discusses infidelity and attributes it to several factors. One is a distorted understanding of Islam, whereby some men justify their behavior by citing the religion's permission to marry up to four wives. The author argues that it should go without saying that Islam permits multiple marriages only under strict legal and ethical conditions—not betrayal. Another factor is the Eastern male's conviction that his wife must somehow fulfill the roles of ten different women at once. A third is simple greed, which the author links to narcissistic personalities that seek to possess everything without sacrificing anything in return.

    After describing the symptoms and some of the consequences of Eastern Male Syndrome, the book turns to how this Eastern male responds to rejection. It presents several examples of men who chose to punish women in the harshest ways imaginable. One man deliberately failed to attend his own engagement party, causing a public scandal for the bride and her family. Another example is the famous and widely loved Egyptian song Salmonella, in which the singer threatens the woman by saying that if she said "no," he will hurt her and do various harmful things to her. Extinct Eastern Male connects such behaviors with the characteristics of psychopathic personality disorder. According to the book, a psychopath is someone distinguished by exceptional charm, an extraordinary ability to lie and manipulate, and, above all, by taking pleasure in hurting others—especially those who dare to tell him "no." The writer then presents people's reactions to a post by him in which he stated that he opposed physically disciplining children. Some accused him of being mentally ill and claimed he should be examined by an entire medical committee, while others told him to stop making things up about religion. The author describes these reactions as reflecting a harsh and oppressive mentality that embraces violence as a legitimate method of dealing with others. He argues that such thinking is sadistic and psychopathic because it justifies causing harm with complete ease. The book then reviews some of the messages Dr. Mohamed Taha received on his social media page concerning husbands who physically abused their wives, including one who crushed his wife's leg beneath his foot, and another about a father who murdered his daughter and then calmly sat beside her body drinking tea! Even more disturbing is that many of the victims wrote that they still loved the person who abused them. Some even felt guilty simply because they found themselves hurt by the violence and humiliation they had suffered. Yes, this is exactly Stockholm Syndrome.

    After all this, the Eastern male often chooses to withdraw completely from the woman's life—divorcing his wife, leaving his fiancée, or abandoning his girlfriend. The book describes this behavior as Passive Violence, expressed through escape, emotional withdrawal, or complete abandonment. As it concludes its discussion of the consequences of Eastern Male Syndrome, Extinct Eastern Male addresses the growing fear of marriage and committed relationships. The author offers a definition of true love that many readers may never have encountered before, describing it as a combination of care, affection, and respect. He then presents five questions he recommends women ask anyone who wants to marry them:

- Would you object to my career?

- Do you object to the way I dress?

- If we disagree about something, how will we make decisions?

- Will we share the same social life, or will each of us have the right to maintain our own social circles?

- If there is something about me that you think should change, what would it be?

The author anticipates the reader's objection that these questions alone are not enough. He openly acknowledges that they are indeed not enough, but explains that, like road signs, they are simple yet important early indicators. And to conclude his discussion of the symptoms and consequences of Eastern Male Syndrome, Dr Mohamed Taha provides examples of real men: a father who threw himself beneath a moving train to save his daughter's life, another father who reported his own wife to the authorities after she secretly subjected their daughters to female genital mutilation, and others like them. The book emphasizes that such men do exist, even if they are relatively few.

    In the final part of Extinct Eastern Male, the author begins with the story of a former Eastern male who decided to become a true man. The man describes the way he was raised and the culture that taught him to see women primarily as sexual beings. He explains how this mindset contributed to the emergence of what is known as Chaste love—love without sexual intimacy. He then recounts attending group therapy sessions where he heard women crying and screaming as they shared their experiences. He was shocked to realize everything society had done to them. In the end, he says: "I finally believed that my wife is a human being just like me. When I putted myself in the place of my daughter, my sister, and my mother, it felt as though my skin had been turned inside out and was burning." Finally, Extinct Eastern Male argues that genuine change must pass through three stages: developing a new psychological awareness, learning to put yourself in the other person's place, and finding a courageous, strong woman who is willing to tell you "no."

    The book then discusses Fear, which it describes as the fuel that drives Eastern Male Syndrome. It argues that a wife who complains about her husband's patriarchal attitudes may herself see him as somehow deficient if he decides to seek help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. According to the book, the Eastern male lives with five layers of fear: The fear of not being enough, The fear of rejection by others, The fear of society, The fear created by the masculine interpretation of religion, The fear generated by the inner voices constantly telling him: "You're a man—don't you dare show weakness or feel."

    The book then presents healthy approaches to raising children in order to protect them from developing Eastern Male Syndrome, as well as ways to help the adults around us—and ourselves—recover from its symptoms and consequences. Regarding children, the author argues that we must give them permission to be vulnerable. We must teach them—especially boys—that they are simply human beings, neither better nor superior to anyone else. We must also teach boys, in particular, to take care of themselves and become self-reliant. As for adults, the first step is to accept them. As the author emphasized at the very beginning of the book, and he noticed once again that acceptance is one thing, while approval is another. The second step is to say: "No" to every form of patriarchal abuse. The third is to encourage them to embark on a genuine journey of change. Finally—and before all of that—we must begin with ourselves, whether we are men or women. We must truly believe that we deserve to be seen, loved, accepted, and respected. Our own transformation will influence those around us, and each person will, in turn, pass that transformation on to others, until we ultimately change the world.

    As is his custom, Dr. Mohamed Taha concludes the book by writing a series of unfinished statements, leaving blank spaces for every reader to complete them personally, almost like a pledge or declaration to begin changing. Among them are: "I have spent my entire life burying my true manhood and replacing it with a false one—a false manhood obsessed with women because it wanted women to accept me and love me, simply because I believed I wasn't worthy," "From this moment on, I need to awaken my true manhood, accept it, live it, and practice it... but I'm afraid that I won't be loved for who I really am," "I have the right to be a real man, not merely a male, even if that means I end up alone," "I have decided to become a real man rather than merely a male. I will completely abandon every form of false manhood, and I am responsible for this decision before myself, before other people, and before God."

Finished.