Inner Voice - Short Story - Chapter 7

    I waited for a few moments after pressing the doorbell. I heard no movement inside the apartment. Then I remembered Dad’s instructions, so I pressed the bell again and knocked on the door with my hand. Dad opened the door wearing worn-out underwear.

- Yeah, that’s it.. ring and knock.. welcome back, Doctor

And the darkness embraced me. A few frozen moments passed in which I felt nothing, as if nothing had happened. A thought crossed my mind: maybe I wouldn’t be able to grieve, just as I cannot speak. But what happened was stronger than the thought. My face tightened violently, and I wanted to tear through the darkness and silence with a ragged gasp, but I swallowed the sound. I struggled to hold back the tears until my head began to shake and my body trembled. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth so hard that saliva dripped from my mouth, and I heard the muffled moans of my pain, before Seif burst out laughing outside, as though he were mocking my crying, as usual. At that moment Dad came in, and I didn’t have enough time to pull myself together, so he noticed my tears. But calmly, he said:

- Come eat your lunch

    Everyone was in the living room except Mahmoud. Islam was lying across the couch eating, as usual, eating while stretched over the couch he slept on at night, always trying to draw Dad’s attention in every possible way, while Dad rarely paid him any mind. And that was my state today. Dad was standing there getting dressed, preparing to leave, while I sat at the dining table half-facing them all, completely motionless, neither eating nor drinking water. Tears streamed endlessly from my eyes without sound or movement, begging for his attention, but to no avail.

- I passed all the levels, Dad, look

It was Islam. Dad gave no answer, so he repeated:

- Huh, Dad? I passed all the levels. I’m at the hardest one now

- What levels?

- In the Green Man *(Hulk)* game, dad

- Honestly, you should be playing the Foolish Man instead, what kind of eleven-year-old still plays this stuff and watches cartoons day and night?

- Can’t you buy yourself a couple of new underwear shorts?

That was Mom, commenting on Dad’s torn clothes. And as usual, he said he gave up comfort for our sake. Dad put on another layer of underwear over the pair he was already wearing, and Seif commented:

- How can you bear wearing all those clothes, even in summer?

- I got used to it, I’ve never liked anyone seeing how small my body is

The moment he said those words, my chest jolted and a loud sigh escaped me. At last, they stopped ignoring me, and silence fell over the room. My tears poured harder. I pressed my lips together bitterly while my chest tightened until Dad commented:

- It’s nothing. He’s just exhausted from studying

Then the house shook with a violent sob whose force startled even me. I let go of my resistance and nearly collapsed to the floor, but Dad caught me and led me into my room.